“Why Can’t I Find a Husband?”

This is not an original story; it’s inspired by Dalrock’s latest post: http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2013/12/10/fear-to-greed/

I couldn’t find the source I originally read it from, so I’m just reproducing a modified version of it here.

The women had traveled very far; they’d been waiting for a long time. There were dozens of them, all aged 18-35, climbing out of their various cars. Some had car pooled, some drove alone, some in rented cars, but they finally arrived at the mysterious building. It was right in the middle of the street, but it was as if they’d never noticed it before. It was said that this building was only a myth, and most women at some point in their lifetime would give up looking for it; but not these women. They had made it.

It was the Husband Factory.

They all stood before its seven floored majesty. It was a plain brown brick building, and most of the women, though they weren’t voicing it, were skeptical that such a plain looking building could actually contain what they all wanted: perfect husbands. But they’d come this far. They weren’t about to give up now. No one wanted to go first; they all stood in front of the two huge glass doors, giggling….laughing with each other….trying to assuage each others’ fears, as good girlfriends do.

The doors then swung open on their own….the women figured it was a typical auto sensor that had triggered it, and started filing in. They were moving in very fast, trying to pretend that they weren’t walking fast. Still giggling.

Immediately upon entering, they saw the first sign. It was hung in the middle of two slate grey doors that they couldn’t see through. The first group of women saw the sign and read it aloud: “On this floor: Masculine, Dominant, Movie star handsome Men with Full Heads of Hair(All varieties).” The women squealed, and kept reading. “Once you enter a certain floor, you may not leave it. You must pick from the men on that floor, and you will get no other chances.” All the women hesitated before going in….and slowly turned their gaze to the marble steps immediately to the right of the doors.

The girls closest to the doors ran for the steps; the women all the way in the back didn’t even bother to read the sign after the first group of women left. They got close enough to read it, but figured since all the other women were now bolting up those marble steps at breakneck speed, they should too. So all of the women, still squealing with delight, ran to the second floor.

Screeching to a halt in front of the second floor doors, they saw the sign. As before, the first group of girls read it aloud: “On this floor: Masculine, Dominant, Movie star handsome Men with full heads of hair and Five Figure Jobs.” The caveat was also the same: “Once you enter any floor, you may not leave it. You must pick from the men on that floor, and you will get no other chances.” The women heard sounds on the other side of the door….male sounds. They knew that the men were there….but quickly found the next set of winding marble steps. This time on their left. They charged at those steps with unrestrained glee and anticipation. And as before, all the women bringing up the rear followed without even bothering to read the sign.

Third Floor Sign: “On this Floor: Masculine, Dominant, Movie star handsome Men with full heads of hair, six figure jobs, and great homes.” Same caveat. More squealing. More searching for steps. Yet another mad rush to the right.

Fourth Floor Sign: “On this Floor: Masculine, Dominant, Movie star handsome Men with full heads of hair, six figure jobs, great homes, each man at least 6′ 4″.” Same caveat. Same sounds of men talking and moving on the other side of the non-see through slate doors. More steps to the left. All the females rushed toward them.

Fifth Floor Sign: “On this Floor: Masculine, Dominant, Movie star handsome Men with full heads of hair, seven figure net worth, great homes, 6′ 4″ height minimum, all fantastic lovers.” Same caveat. The girls that were first to the doors put their ears on the door; they heard the male laughter inside even more clearly. One girl proclaimed “I’m going in!” Another woman said, “Why? There’s two more floors!” Other women said that they’d be happy with all of this they’d found on the fifth floor…but all of the girls stood still. Then, one girl pretended that she was going in, but at the last minute bolted for those marble steps on the right. Screaming with girlish glee as she ran up them. All of the other girls hesitated…and then they realized that they couldn’t live with themselves knowing that some other woman might have more than they did. So instead of going in….they ran up those steps after her.

Sixth Floor Sign: “On this Floor: Masculine, Dominant, Movie star handsome Men with full heads of hair, seven figure net worth, great homes, 6′ 4″ height minimum, all fantastic lovers, any religion that you want, all guaranteed fantastic fathers.” Same caveat. This time the women started cheering; they knew they’d hit the jackpot. Each one of them began to chatter with the other on their good fortune. They started high fiving at the prospect of having their pick of men with all of those fantastic qualities. They heard the men laughing and talking on the other side of those huge slate doors. There was only one problem…….those pesky marble steps to the left leading up to the seventh and final floor. The women again started to advance through the doors….and froze. A sign descended on their left above the steps to the seventh floor….it read: “This is your last chance. There are no more floors after the seventh, and you may not start over if you leave this floor.” For five full minutes, the multitude of women stood there in complete silence. And then all of a sudden….ten women in the back tore off their blouses, stripped off their bras, and bolted for the seventh floor steps. They hollered to their stunned sistren as they ran, “Those seventh floor men are gonna see the goods right away! HahahahHAHAH!” All the women that were still standing directly in front of the sixth floor doors put their heads down. They caressed those doors longingly…..but they knew, in their hearts, that they were leaving. One by one, and then in groups of two or three, both crying and smiling, every single woman bid goodbye to the sixth floor and began to imagine the glory of their wedding to a seventh floor man.

The women got to the seventh floor. The bare breasted women were in front, giggling. Anticipating. There were two slate doors as usual, but no sign. All of the women finally arrived and began to mill around, wondering where the description of the men on this floor were. As soon as the last woman had cleared the steps, one large marble slab slammed down in front of the steps; there was no going back. From the ceiling, a sign started descending, and the women started screaming and whooping and hollering with joy. As the sign slid into view in front of the two slate doors, the women closest to it started reading aloud….this time in horror:

“There are no men on this floor. Your presence here proves that women can never be satisfied.” About two dozen women started shrieking and crying from the shock. They continued reading: “On this floor is the exit back down to the street. You will go through these doors to get back to your cars.” And then….the final words: “The Husband Factory moves in time differently; ten years have passed since you entered, which you would have avoided on any floor but this one. You are now 28-45 years old. You will never find The Husband Factory again once you leave. Good Day.”